Hello there! I’m
Tiffany Israel
And, I’m on a mission to help neurodivergent girls thrive by supporting their parents through the challenges.
To learn more, find the format that best suites your brain?
Bullet Point Version (found just below)
Extended Story (found farther below)
Hey there, I am so glad you stopped by.
My name is Tiffany Israel and I am a twice-exceptionally neurodivergent woman.
My family has seven confirmed neurodivergent females, 4 under the age of 21. And oodles of males. Hello DNA!
I have a BA from the University of Notre Dame, an MA from Boston College, and did my Ph.D work at Boston College, too, on a prestigious fellowship no less, for those of you looking for credentials. But they don’t tell the whole story.
I was also a human cyclone getting out the door and spent massive amounts of time trying to keep my life stitched together. Only men are allowed to be absent-minded professors, losing track of time and losing chapters of their own thesis. Absent-minded women are just ditzy.
Hello masking! Hello shame! Hello ulcer! I could not reconcile myself to myself. I made no sense to me. And, I lived in fear of being found out by my professors and classmates. Of course, I had anxiety.
After the birth of my daughter, I learned that my deep confusion about myself was from being twice-exceptional. But by then, the damage from internalized shame was entrenched in me.
I became hyperfocused on loosening the grip of shame, not just for me but for my daughter. I had to learn how shame operates, where it comes from and why neurodivergent girls are so susceptible to its destructive power.
Now, I can’t watch another generation of bright girls be shamed so significantly that they never reach their own potential. The world needs their associative thinking brains. And, shame disables our girls from offering the world their innate talent.
Nor can I watch more parents of neuro-girls implode from being shamed as incapable parents when they are trying so hard.
How do I know? I know it from my own experience. I know it from watching the neuro-girls and their parents in my own family withering. I know it from living abroad for nearly a decade and experiencing how neurodivergence is shamed in other cultures. But, even more, I am an academic and now I know it from years of research.
About Tiffany in Bullet Points
I turned my doctoral level research skills from studying ethics to studying how society uses shame itself as a tool of behavioral control. Fascinating, right?
In my research, I uncovered that neurodivergent girls not only receive much more shame from society than neurodivergent boys or neurotypical girls, but more importantly, they process shame differently than everyone else.
Their brains turn it into toxic, debilitating shame that changes the way they respond to the world.
Parents need to help them fight the shame to even access their brains for real thriving to begin.
But, all the best neurotypical strategies to alleviate the painful effects of shame in healthy ways, malfunction for neurodivergent girls. So what to do?
I became hyperfocused researching what we need to do differently to support them? After years of work, I finally found what disarms shame in neurodivergent girls in a healthy way.
You really do have one of the most challenging parenting assignments! You are not crazy, lazy, incapable or weak. You are flying without a compass! But I can guide you through the fog.
Now, I am writing a book to get this research and guidance in the hands of parents and clinicians, but girls and parents need help now.
And, very many neurodivergent parents do better learning by engaging rather than reading.
So, I started educating parents directly while I am writing. Because every day matters for some girl and her family whose life could be so very different while I am editing footnotes.
My why of this mission is the extra-ordinary, but misunderstood and shamed, neurodivergent girls in my family and yours, whose lives could be so much better.
My why is the overwhelmed, isolated, and shamed parents desperate to find support that works for their cherished daughters and their families.
My why is you. Because it could be easier. For her and for you. After years of research, I found a way.
About Tiffany in Extended Story
Hello there, extended story readers! I am so glad you stopped by. My name is Tiffany Israel and I am a professional academic by training and a neurodivergent, twice-exceptional woman to the core. I come from a family bursting with lively neurodivergence, and I married into a Belgian family teeming with even more. We have seven confirmed neurodivergent females in our immediate families, and of course, oodles of males. Hello, DNA!
I have a BA from the University of Notre Dame, an MA from Boston College and did my Ph.D work at Boston College, too, on a prestigious fellowship no less, for those of you looking for credentials. But they don’t tell the whole story.
I was also a human tornado getting out the door and would spend massive amounts of time trying to keep on top of my life. Only men are allowed to be absent-minded professors, losing keys and chapters of their own thesis. Absent-minded women are just ditzy. Hello masking! Hello shame! Hello ulcer! I could not reconcile myself to myself. And, I lived in fear of being found out by my professors. Of course, I had anxiety.
It is no surprise that I have spent my professional life studying the relationship between ethical behavior, values and cultures. Like many unidentified neurodivergent women, I was trying to understand why I had such a hard time meeting valued expectations, even as I was trying so hard. ( I am looking at you punctuality. ) Being late gets you labeled selfish, lazy, or disorganized: all character assassinations. But, I could not fathom how I could be any of those when I so greatly value caring for others, hard work, and a well organized drawer! I could not reconcile myself to myself.
When I learned after the birth of my child, that I am twice-exceptionally neurodivergent, it all made sense. Then, my questions changed. I began focusing my spotlight on who determines these ethical and social standards of behavior, who is designated to judge them, what measures are used to judge them and what tools are used to enforce them. Not surprisingly, shame is one of those tools. And, of course neurodivergent folks don’t fair well in any of that. And, we don’t fare well in many cultures, either.
As an American who has now lived and worked in two different countries in Europe for almost a decade, I know firsthand how neurodivergent girls are misunderstood, judged, shamed and isolated across cultures, especially compared to boys. I know how their parents are shamed, too. I know how cultures shape the way we judge behaviors, girls and parenting. And, I am painfully familiar with the shaming stink eye as it is given in different languages and cultures. But mostly, I am deeply frustrated that neurodivergent girls are imploding every day in every corner of the world. And, so are their parents. And, apart from a few pioneers, like Dr. Ellen Littman, Dr. Kathleen Nadeau, Dr. Patricia Quinn, and Dr. Stephen Hinshaw, who care deeply about girls and have significantly paved the way to even know that girls CAN be neurodivergent, hardly anyone has been focusing on how to parent neurodivergent girls to thrive.
Help was NOT on the way. For Girls anyway. Then the mission hit me. Research still was mostly on boys. But, I could do something about it.
his question of neurodivergence intersects with my area of research about behavior and morality. I couldn’t wait any longer for parenting support to be developed by the others to help girls thrive. Lives depend on it now, in my own family, too.
So, I pivoted my academic work and applied my doctoral research skills to analyzing why outcomes for neurodivergent girls are so far worse than for neurodivergent boys and neurotypical girls. I searched for overlooked aspects that might be significant in changing those outcomes. After much analysis, I found one most obvious and yet ignored determinant: shame itself.
Shame is a critical factor in why neurodivergent girls are imploding.
But, just telling girls not to feel shame or that they have superpowers or to have faith does nothing to eradicate the toxic effects of the shame cast at them every single day. It can even worsen the effects. So, I spent years more researching the way neurodivergent girls process shame and how it accumulates and calcifies in our girls in order to understand how to remedy the debilitating effects. It turns out, we really do need a different parenting manual for neurodivergent girls! Yes, you really do have one of the most challenging parenting assignments! You are not crazy, lazy, incapable or weak. It really is that hard and you really are flying without a compass. But I can guide you.
Now, I am writing a book on my findings on what neurodivergent girls need to thrive and how parents can best support them. But I can’t get it out there fast enough, because in the meantime, girls’ lives hang in the balance. Every single day matters for some girl and her family whose life could be so very different today while I am editing footnotes. So, I started educating parents directly on the side to get the help out faster, in clear, actionable ways that make a profound difference immediately. Because I know you can’t wait to find support that works. For her, for you, or for the rest of your family. And, neither could I.
My why is clear. My why is the extra-ordinary, but misunderstood and shamed, neurodivergent girls in my family and yours.
My why is the overwhelmed, isolated and shamed parents desperate to find support that works for their cherished daughters.
My why is you. Because it could be easier. For her and for you. I found a way.
Join the others who are raising their neurodivergent girls to
LOVE THAT BRAIN™ and BUST THAT SHAME.™